Advertising is a hit and miss game, and Metro Trains Melbourne’s results are no different – sometimes they win, like back in 2013 with their ‘Dumb Ways to Die’ rail safety campaign, but other times they come up flat. A recent campaign in the local edition of mX is an example of the latter.
Promoting their new ‘metroNotify’ smartphone app that informs passengers of disruptions to Melbourne’s rail network, the first full page advertisement appeared on the rear page of the January 16, 2014 edition. The wording was as follows:
The bad news is your metroNotify app says there’s a Travel Alert and has given you special instructions for your journey.
The good news is you got special instructions without listening to drivetime radio, like people used to do before Steve Jobs invented magic phones. And now that you have a set of ‘special instructions’ you sound cool & mysterious. Be cool & mysterious, download the metroNotify app today.
Sounds pretty inane, doesn’t it?
Unfortunately Metro went one worse the next day, taking the campaign in an incredibly condescending direction.
If you can’t read the text, here it is:
The bad news is your metroNotify app says there’s Minor Delays of 5 to 15 minutes.
The good news is it’s only work you’re going to. Now, if your work involves something cool like hatching baby dinosaurs, you might wish you weren’t delayed. But if you’ve got a boring, normal persons job – you just won the morning lottery. Your prize – a few less minutes at work. Enjoy a few less minutes at work: download the metroNotify app today.
Who the fuck at Metro approved an advertisement that compares a train making you late for work to “winning the lottery”?
In exchange for firing whoever through that was a clever idea, here is a free idea that Metro can use to make light of delayed trains:
The good news is that that you don’t need to scoff down that piece of toast before you run out the door, you’ve got a few extra minutes until you need to head down the station. Enjoy a relaxed breakfast every morning: download the metroNotify app today.
Or how about a factually accurate one?
The good news is that that you don’t need to wait at a lonely unmanned station waiting for the train. You can relax at home, instead of a under a poorly designed veranda that lets Melbourne bitterly cold winter blow through. Enjoy the waiting room that Metro won’t give you: download the metroNotify app today.
Or with the hyperbole knob turned up to eleven?
The good news is that your boss is going to sack you for being late to work for the third day this week. No more waiting for the train each morning, you get to drive to the Centrelink office instead. Enjoy unemployment: download the metroNotify app today.
Anyone with half a brain knows that if you have a job where you’d get the sack for being late, that you will catch a train far earlier than you think you should, just to make sure you get there no matter how badly Metro manages to fuck up.