Police fining nuffy drivers on Swanston Street

I’ve written about Melbourne’s clueless drivers before, especially their obsession with driving through Swanston Street’s tram stops and the Bourke Street Mall, but now I fear the apocalypse is near – I recently saw Victoria Police doing something about it.

Sign of the apocalypse - Victoria Police pull over a car that drove through a Swanston Street tram stop

I was walking past the Swanston and Collins Street tram stop one lunchtime, when I saw a divvy van on the wrong side of the road with their window wound down, talking to the driver of a clapped out Mitsubishi Lancer.

Victoria Police pull over a car that drove through the Swanston and Collins Street tram stop

They told them to drive down Swanston Street until they could find a clear place to pull over.

Victoria Police pull over a car that drove through the Swanston and Collins Street tram stop

And then they did the usual drivers licence and vehicle registration checks.

Victoria Police pull over a car that drove through the Swanston and Collins Street tram stop

A one off event, or is a police blitz on idiot motorists queuing through intersections next?


After seeing the police pull over the motorist on Swanston Street, the universe corrected itself by the time I had walked up to Bourke Street. This nuffy drove south through the bike lane…

Another day, another nuffy driving down the bike lane

Then did a u-turn, and came back for more!

After doing a u-turn, the blue car comes back for more?

Getting part way into the bike lane, pedestrians crossing the road did a double take.

Having drive south down the bike lane, now the blue car tries to head back the other way!

An office worker on their lunch break gave the confused driver directions to get out of there.

Office worker on their lunch break helps out the confused driver

Reversing at the corner of Bourke and Swanston Street, to leave the bike lane.

Driver of the blue car reversed out of the bike lane, at Bourke and Swanston Street

And finally driving out of Swanston Street via the only piece of public road.

Having driven down the bike lane twice, they finally head the right way at Bourke and Swanston Street

All cleaned up in time for another pointless ‘jaywalking’ blitz.

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5 Responses to “Police fining nuffy drivers on Swanston Street”

  1. Michael Bell says:

    One issue is the ‘No Entry’ signs, nearly 3metres up the signposts. If they were perhaps at eye level, drivers might actually see them.

    • Julian Calaby says:

      I think that part of the problem is that it’s not always clear that you cannot turn into Swanston Street from the cross streets, and once you’ve turned in, you’re pretty-much stuffed.

      I think that if they’re going to make it a pedestrian area, then there needs to be _no_ vehicle traffic except for trams and horse drawn carriages. This means that they can have proper curbs at cross streets so there is a physical barrier preventing people from entering, clear signage, re-doing traffic lights so they look more like pedestrian and tram crossings than cross streets, brightly coloured bollards, etc.

      The “barriers” at each end of the Bourke Street mall are like this: it’s pretty obvious that you’re not supposed to go in, with the platform tram stops, flags, different coloured paving, clear road markings, big “no entry” signs at eye level, etc. – not that it stops everyone.

  2. scott says:

    How do these people get their drivers license? Out of a box of cornflakes?

  3. Andrew S says:

    I spotted another graduate of the ‘Kellogg’s licencing system’ a week ago trying to turn the wrong way into Little Collins Street to get out of Swanston …
    No police in sight.

  4. Allan says:

    I did it today and i have driven 47 years and consider myself a good driver.

    However a moments lack of concentration and before i knew it i had committed and had no option but to continue until i could turn back on the opposite side of the road.

    It was without doubt one of the most harrowing experiences i have ever had on the road.

    Thankfully no police were around but but the abuse i copped along with the humiliation was probably worse than any fine.

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